Alters & Altars

I'm aware that it's been a while since I last blogged, but that's life I guess. This time I decided to address the different religions that the alters can have. And yes, each alter is capable of following his or her own faith and each of them coexist within the body.

Before I really get into that though, I just want to add that there are now twenty-one alters roaming around in my head. You already know about George, Kenzie, Monti (The Monster), Evelyn, Eleanor, Philip, & Aspen. The newest ones are Osiris, Gramps, and the twins, Johnny & Jacob. That's only eleven , I know, but the other ten are hard to explain. They are called the Unknowns. I know next to nothing about any of them; age, gender, name, appearance, nothing.

The Unknowns fit into two categories; upstairs (the attic) and downstairs (the basement). Seven live in the attic and three in the basement. The three that live in the basement are known as Unknowns 1, 2, & 3. These three are not like the named alters in behavior or personality. While the named alters are kind and relate-able, these three are not. They are almost like the seven deadly sins, Lust, Gluttony, Sloth, Greed, Wrath, Envy, & Pride; warped into only three bodies. 

The seven Unknowns that live in the attic are much kinder, but equally mysterious. They don't talk, they mumble in their own language. They are always around me and perfectly visible, but have no distinguishable human characteristics. They are stand-offish with even the other alters and they just keep to themselves. 

I will explain more about the Unknowns in a different post and I'll introduce the other alters more in depth later on. I just really want to get to the basis of this entry. 

In the beginning, I mentioned the religious differences between the alters. For example, I'm Wiccan while Aspen is Buddhist and Philip is Atheist. We each have our own system of beliefs, but are able to coexist in one body without constantly arguing over who is right and who is wrong. There isn't a lot that I can say about this topic other than what I just did, so I'll leave it at that for now. 

As always, any and all feedback or questions are appreciated whether or not they're about the disorder or the alters. 

Blessed Be (Wiccan Parting),
        -M

Seven Minds, One Body

New discovery... Today I found out something pretty interesting about my alters and I. As it turns out, when the body is sick, everyone, the alters and myself included, are ill to match. Because we all share on body, we can all feel the effects of, oh I don't know, standing outside in the rain for forty minutes in a flash thunderstorm. Safe to say, I caught a cold and so did the others. 

Aside from my current affliction with the common cold, this entry will be about the alters and how they control or coincide with the body. As most of us are different ages and the fact that George and Philip are male whereas the body and I are female, we each have to adjust to sharing one body. For example, when The Monster is in control, the body's movements are much more precise and methodical, whereas when I'm in control, me meaning the host, my movements are natural and sometimes klutzy. 

Each of the alters act as their own person. They develop their own habits that sometimes seem unnatural when matched up with the body. Whenever Kenzie is in control, the body acts as any young child would, hyper and energetic even though it's really much older. Much like what happens when Aspen is in control. When George is in control, though, it's apparent just how suspicious he is based on how the body acts, very much like a hunting predator or a hawk observing a field for mice. 

I only mention these alters, not because they are the only ones that can control the body, far from it actually, but because their control over the body is the most noticeable and recognizable in nature. The others do have small habits that appear when they are in control, but those habits seem very slight in comparison to the aforementioned. 

When an alter grasps control of the body for the first time, for me, it is painful, but this is just personal experience and can be different for everyone. It's painful because there is no forewarning prior to the transition. The new alter pretty much shoves whoever is in control to the background and goes from there. In my experience, it is much like being poked and prodded with needles at first and then simply floating, almost like in a swimming pool on a raft-device-thing, except all of the blood feels like it's rushing to your head. The more aggressive the alters role in the system, The Monster for example, the more painful the transition and the longer the affects. These affects are due to the alter adjusting to the body for the first time and can vary depending on the alter. Personally, I've had the blood-rushing-to-head effect for each one, but other side affects aren't all that rare either. I won't go into detail about the other side affects unless someone actually asks about them specifically, but most are minor and more annoying than anything else. 

Something I want to start doing.... At the end of each entry, I'll pose a question to everyone reading and I'll use the answers in the next entry somehow. Sound any good? Here goes... What was the scariest thing you've ever done? All answers, if I get any, will be kept anonymous. 

As always, any feedback or questions about the disorder or anything in general really are welcomed and very much appreciated. 

Catch You Next Time,

                       -M

My Alters and Me

As I mentioned in the last entry, I will be introducing my alters as well as going pretty in depth about their personas and roles. Everything about this is pretty new to me, so I'm still learning about what's really happening, so please be patient with me. Please note that for the comfort of my alters, the names used are not their true names, simply aliases that they each chose for themselves.

The first alter that I discovered I call The Monster. It's not her real name, but she refuses to tell me what her name is, so I call her this. I don't mean it to be offensive, but when she first started stepping forward, I had no idea what was going on. She would only step forward when I was extremely upset or angry, but she would take complete control over me and I would black out, never knowing until later what happened while she was in control. Now, The Monster is called a protector, as she guards my mental well-being, sometimes causing physical pain, cutting or self-harm, to do so. She acts as the Guardian in my, shall we call it, system.

Later came Kenzie, a sweet little girl that is no older than seven years, but is the only one that remembers whatever trauma caused the D.I.D.. Kenzie is the youngest alter so far, but carries the most sway over my day-to-day emotions. If she's sad, I'm sad. If she's hyper, I'm hyper. You get the gist of it, yes? Kenzie was my playmate and constant companion while growing up as my closest sibling was eight years older than me and had a life of his own. Kenzie experienced the trauma and remembers it while I do not and refuses to tell me, so I've no knowledge of what caused the disorder. Other than that, she is like every other little girl. She loves candy, cookies, and all things cute and fluffy.

Then, Eleanor stepped forward. Her role is one that I must say that I'm truly grateful for. She acts as the student almost. She pays attention where I do not as well as controls etiquette and manners in overly formal environments. She also acts as a mother figure to young Kenzie as well as the others. She does most, if not all, of my school work like taking tests/quizzes/exams, but unlike The Monster, she does not take full control or block me out. I am present most of the time, even if I barely recall what happened or what we had been working on. She's about nineteen, by the way.

Next Philip arrived and he is roughly seventeen years old with a very short temper. His role is one that is quite difficult to explain on a first try, but here it goes. He is an emotional outlet. Let me put it this way, think of him like a piggy bank and emotion is the money. When another alter takes over, they tend to reign in almost all of my emotion. Philip collects the remaining unexpressed emotions, almost like dropping coins in a piggy bank. When he steps forward, takes control of the body, he releases this overflow of emotion in fits of rage, bursts of happiness, or spurts of depression. Afterwards, the cycle starts over again and repeats as needed.

That's a lot of information, I know, but it's easier to get this part done in one entry that you can look back to for clarification if needed later on. For now, enjoy this image of an elephant with butterfly wing ears.

Good? Okay, next was the arrival of George, the paranoid protector of the body. George is thirty-nine years old and is ex-military. He acts as a literal guard of the physical body. He is always aware of our surroundings and keeps an eye on everything. He doesn't trust anyone outside of the body and is immediately suspicious of anyone we meet until proven otherwise. He rarely sleeps and it's not uncommon for him to wake me up in the middle of the night because he heard something and wants me to check all doors and the alarm, regardless of what time it is. His excuse? "You can sleep in school." Oh, and he's really protective of me and the other alters, like a fatherly figure.

After George, the spitfire known as Evelyn turned up. Evelyn's role is similar to what was once Kenzie's role until I grew older while Kenzie didn't. Evelyn is my constant companion, she's always with me, front with me, whereas the others have to deliberately step forward. Evelyn is about sixteen to seventeen years old and really is a spitfire. She has the most attitude out of all of the alters.

The most recent alter to pop up is Aspen. She's the comic relief of the bunch. When I'm sad or kinda down, she steps forward and makes me, and other people around me laugh. She is pretty much a clown, but dresses like a medieval court jester.  Shown below is kind of what she looks like.

So these are the alters that I've found so far. Each has his or her own style, personality, and role to play. I'll keep you posted as I find out more about my alters and D.I.D. in general. As always, any feedback or questions about the disorder or anything in general really are welcomed and very much appreciated.

So Long For Now,

                 -M

Introducing Me

This is just an introductory entry that will give you a chance to turn away now or continue reading. Warning: Some entries may be cause for confusion, but this IS a D.I.D. blog. D.I.D. stands for Dissociative Identity Disorder, also known as Multiply Personality Disorder. D.I.D. is caused by traumas early on in life that lead to alternate personalities called alters that inhabit the victim's mind as a self-defense mechanism. Please don't swear by anything I post due to the fact that I am NOT a doctor or therapist or anything of the sort. 

I'm writing this blog because I was diagnosed with D.I.D. some time ago and wanted a way to really sort through what goes on in my head. Because I have these alters, some entries will be very different than others,  ranging in topics that cover anything that is currently on my mind. Some topics might be controversial, some might be just plain silly. The point is, this won't be a topic or genre oriented blog. 

If you're still here, I'm going to talk a little bit about the alters. However, I won't be posting their real names because most of them are against me doing a blog to begin with. Now, some of you might not believe that alters exist and you don't have to, I do, but that's just me. My alters won't play a huge role in this blog, so it really doesn't matter. Even if you are here just for laughs, I want everyone that might be reading this to know that I will only post my opinions and what I know as truth on this blog. I may not always be right, but I'm not trying to tell you what to think. 

Alters exist to protect the body that they share and the host that they share it with. Alters can be of any age, race, gender, religion, etc. They are just as diverse as the world around us and each one is a unique individual with his or her own thoughts, ideas, and emotions. Some alters are older than the body, some are younger. Some are male while the body is female or vice versa. The point is that they're all different and each has his or her own personality to match.

In the next entry, I'll introduce each of my alters and explain their role in as much detail as I can, but for right now, this is a lot of information. I just want to thank anyone that is reading this for doing so, it does mean a lot to me. Also, I will post as often as I can, but I'm not going to state a time of day of the week when I'll post an entry. Most will be random and out of nowhere, and that's fine by me. 

As an ending note, any feedback or questions about the disorder or anything in general really are welcomed and very much appreciated. 

Until Next Time,
              -M